When I find myself in a funk that I can’t define, I turn to music.
JOURNALING
Then, once I’m ready to process and pinpoint my negative emotions, I write. I don’t stop to judge or edit my thoughts, I just let it all out, the good and the bad. My journal is one of the few places where I’m honest with myself. Amazingly, I usually find answers to what I’m feeling after the fact once I’ve reread my entries.
Photo by Jessica Lewis ud83eudd8b thepaintedsquare on Pexels.com
COMIC RELIEF
The saying, “laughter is the best medicine” is a proven fact, at least for me. So, I try to see the lighter side of things when I can and when I can’t, I find something funny to watch or listen to. Or I hang out with my little nephew who cracks me up every time.
ORGANIZING/CLEANING
I’m sure I’m not the only one who finds organizing and cleaning therapeutic. I have challenging days and semi-challenging days with my health issues, but even the simplest of sorting—my purse, my bookshelf, my medicine drawer, my makeup bag—seems to put life in order.
After implementing self-coping mechanisms, if I’m still overwhelmed or funked out, I call up Bestie, my sister, or make an appointment with a therapist. The advantage of therapy is that it’s a neutral environment and offers perspectives that I haven’t considered.
If I say I’m going to do something, it is as good as done, no matter how I feel on the day of said commitment or what I’m going through in my personal life. Therefore, I rarely volunteer myself or my time unless I have a general idea of what I’m getting into—no, let me stop lying, unless I have specific details of what I’m being asked to do or what I’m taking on.
Understandably, though, life happens, and sometimes circumstances are out of our control. In that case, a heads up or quick text or call is thoughtful in that it acknowledges the other person’s time and gives them the opportunity to explore other options if necessary. All that to say that I can’t stand when someone makes grand plans or promises and then fails to follow through, especially when they consistently do so or drop the ball at the last minute without warning or consideration of another’s feelings or schedule.
Starters vs Finishers
Which leads perfectly into my next pet peeve. Starting projects and then not finishing them. Sometimes a task that seems small turns into something HUGE and requires more manpower than initially anticipated or isn’t thought through completely before beginning. It happens. But jumping from project to project to project and never finishing any of them is more than my brain can handle. I can’t rest and will go into full anxiety mode if I leave something undone.
Don’t get me wrong, I have friends who manage to multi-task, and I applaud them for at least starting because getting things underway is the first step to any endeavor. Plus, the opposite of starting would be ruminating, researching, and mapping out projects so long that, still, nothing gets done. So, completing tasks, in my opinion, is a balancing act of spontaneity and organization. Enough come what may to get going but enough structure to create a realistic plan to reach the finish line.
Listeners vs Automatic Advice Givers
From time to time, we all need advice, and often we seek it from friends and family. However, there are instances where all a person wants is ears. For someone to listen. Not a quick fix, not an If-It-Were-Me, and not a Here’s-What-You-Should-Do.
Although most people want to help and are sincere in their efforts, listening intently and then maybe asking follow-up questions before speaking can help make whatever advice is given more relevant and catered to the individual. Also, in listening the listener may discover that they don’t need to say anything at all.
When I was diagnosed with lupus in 2004, I didn’t know much about the disease aside from the fact that I didn’t want it. So, as I struggled to process the diagnosis and prognosis, a friend who’d battled with the illness since she was sixteen handed me a book. “Here, I ordered one for you,” she said.
I learned so much from that green covered hardback, and I often reread it as new issues pop up. Dr. Wallace’s explanation of what the disease is and how it affects the body has helped me to understand and accept the unpredictable, roller-coaster ride of living with lupus.
The Warmth of Other Suns: The Epic Story of America’s Great Migration by Isabel Wilkerson
The South is steeped in history. Most of us know that. However, reading the personal stories of Ida, George, and Robert reinforced the fact that circumstances often warrant changes. And change plays a huge role in the lives of future generations. I also discovered something interesting: those who left Mississippi frequently migrated to Chicago, whereas those from Florida usually chose New York; and Southerners from Louisiana went to California. Having family members and loved ones from both Mississippi and Florida, I have found this to be true although I’d never really thought about it prior to reading Wilkerson’s book.
The Warmth of Other Suns was a fascinating read, and a daunting one too. Aside from Beulah Land, it is one of the longest manuscripts I’ve read. 622 pages! It didn’t feel like 600+ pages because Isabel Wilkerson did her research, and her epic tale proves it.
The Bible
I have several versions of the Bible and enjoy reading various interpretations. I’ve even heard that there is a graphic novel version? My oldest daughter told me and then added, “Cool! Now I’d read that.”
Granted, people have their personal view of the Bible, but I find it to be a profound, inspired, sacred writing that has helped me stay balanced and focused on many occasions. And I must make a retraction on BeulahLand (a close runner up in being on this list) or The Warmth of Other Suns being the largest volumes I’ve read. The Bible is by far the biggest book I’ve taken on. Coming in at over a thousand pages, it is quite an anthology. In other words, it takes a while to finish.
I started in the very back with Revelation and made my way to Genesis. But one year I read it the typical way from beginning to end. This year I’m going in alphabetical order—Acts, Amos, and so on. I learn something new every time I read the Bible, no matter how many times I read it, and I like that.
So, how has each book had an impact on my life? The Lupus Book has helped me to play an active role in my care and to understand the various issues that arise from having lupus. The Warmth of Other Suns made me understand and realize the importance of migration from the South and why it was necessary for some families as well as how it influenced future generations. And the Bible shapes and molds how I choose to live, how I interact with others, and I how choose to view the future.
I think once I learn how to empathize without internalizing, I’ll be a much saner person. But I’ll write more on that in a few minutes. To answer the prompt and simultaneously discuss a topic that has been on my mind for a while, I reclaim my joy by removing myself from stimuli. Every now and then I have to take a brain break. I say that because I do process life and my surroundings on a deep level, and doing so becomes exhausting.
What type of stimuli? Basically, all of it. People, places, news, noise. I pick up on the emotions of others as well as the vibes of my surroundings, and news and noise are overwhelming in excessive amounts. There are names for this struggle–emotional empath, intuitive empath, physical empath, or geomantic empath if one wants to get fancy.
But here’s why I require frequent breaks:
Strangers Tell Me Stuff, Lots
For some reason, as quiet as I am in person, people still feel compelled to talk to me. I don’t care if I’m sitting in an exam chair in an optometrist’s office, or if I’m hooked up to an EKG in a cardiovascular clinic, or even if I’m in the checkout line at a grocery store, people talk. They talk, in between crying jags, about the husband who fell and hurt his back who can’t work right now. They talk, with regret but strength, about the father who had a massive heart attack in his sleep. They talk about the girlfriend who cheated with the best friend and ran off to who knows where. And I listen, and I empathize. And then I need a weeklong nap. I think I lose energy because I empathize to the point of placing myself in one’s shoes and then forgetting to take the shoes off.
Places Give Me the Feels
Let me tell you a story. As a person who loves working on cars, my stepdad spends a lot of time at scrap yards. One day while searching for parts, he and J stopped at a salvage center. I tagged along. I promise you before my stepdad even turned in the lot, I felt uneasy. I couldn’t explain it, and initially I blamed it on my overactive imagination (which is probably 90% the case), but it was as if the lot and its wrecked ruins were…I don’t know, telling a story. It was weird.
Which is why I can’t watch 48 hours or Dateline or any type of show where someone is murdered or something bad happens. The faces of the victims stay with me for days. My mind reenacts it all and it’s like…I feel it, the sights, sounds, and trauma. In a sense…I live it, if only for a few seconds.
On the other hand, my daughter can binge watch an entire crime show and then go about her life. “Stuff happens,” she says. “Just be glad it isn’t you.” In other words, it’s OK to care, but get yourself together, Mom.
News Makes Me Sad
This one is self-explanatory. Moreover, I’ve noticed that during the times that I’ve taken TV breaks and missed weeks of news stories, I’ve felt better as in mentally refreshed.
Too Much Noise? Bye
I can handle noise (since I can barely hear and have permanent hearing loss anyhow), but if there are tons of people talking at once or over each other, I don’t like it.
I hope this post made sense (sorry if it didn’t). Can anyone else relate? If you’re an empath or HSP, how do you manage?
Lists and Life 